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All roads that lead to parenthood are beautiful ones, and parenthood through surrogacy is one of them. If you are an intended parent through surrogacy, or are considering using a surrogate, you likely have many questions about how to navigate this process, such as: What is it like to use a surrogate? How to match with a surrogate? Here are some parenthood tips for intended parents to help you on your journey.
Build a Relationship with Your Surrogate
Building a good relationship with your surrogate is essential for a successful surrogacy journey. Establishing a relationship with your surrogate mother may take some time, but ultimately it’s what’s best for you and your family. You and your surrogate will make decisions together that will impact her body and your baby. Starting with an open dialogue will help inform your communication style to make sure your surrogate feels included and respected. Be honest in telling her that you’d like to hear about the pregnancy and be involved in the process.
Seek Support
Like all paths to parenthood, surrogacy is an emotional journey. But becoming a parent via surrogate has its own unique emotional demands on parents. I’s essential to have a support system in place. Seek independent support from friends, family, other intended parents, surrogates, and counselors. Many intended parents and surrogates alike find the support of a doula to be quite valuable throughout the pregnancy, birth, and beyond. If you’re using a surrogacy agency, don’t rely on their support alone. You deserve robust support to guide you along this emotional journey to parenthood.
Be Prepared for the Cost
Surrogacy can be expensive, and it’s essential to be prepared for the cost. Make sure you have a clear understanding of the costs involved, including the surrogate’s compensation, medical expenses, and legal fees. You may want to consider working with a financial advisor to help you plan for the expenses.
Be Patient
This one is easier said than done. But one of the most important parenthood tips for intended parents is to practice patience. Surrogacy is a process, and it’s not a quick one. There are many steps to the surrogacy journey, with no exact timeframe. It’s important to understand that there may be delays or setbacks along the way. For instance, IVF can take several tries to create a successful pregnancy. Try to not get discouraged. Be prepared for the unexpected, and try to trust the process. Being flexible with your expectations will help you cope with the unpredictable timeframe that comes with the surrogacy journey.
Plan for the Birth
As the due date approaches, make necessary preparations for the birth of your baby. Discuss birth plans, hospital arrangements, and any specific preferences with your surrogate and healthcare providers. Your surrogate may be induced or scheduled for a C-Section, or she may go into labor naturally. Oftentimes, intended parents are at the hospital at the time of delivery, either in a waiting room or the delivery room itself. It’s up to the surrogate, intended parents, and any hospital restrictions on whether you will be in the delivery room at the time of birth.
Plan for After the Birth
After the birth of your child, it’s essential to have a plan in place for your surrogate and your family. Develop a preliminary and after-birth plan for your surrogate mother. This plan should include details about how you will handle the hospital stay and how you will handle any unexpected situations.
The decision to pump colostrum and breastmilk is a shared decision between the surrogate and the intended parents. Some surrogates choose not to pump, while others may pump for a short time or provide breast milk for an extended period of time. Plan ahead of time so your family can be prepared with a feeding plan for your newborn.
Lastly, make sure you have a support system in place for when you can finally take your baby home! Our team of expert Newborn Care Specialists and Postpartum Doulas can help your family settle in and get off to a great start. Reach out today to learn more about our services.
From ‘Intended Parent’ to ‘Parent’
Surrogacy is a beautiful way to start or grow your family. The journey from ‘intended parent’ to simply ‘parent’ requires patience and emotional fortitude. Building a good relationship with your surrogate, seeking support, being prepared for the cost, being patient, and planning for the birth and immediate postpartum period are all essential tips for intended parents through surrogacy. Remember to enjoy the journey and cherish the moments along the way!
